A simple, pretty evening moonrise in late January.

When you literally get in trouble for being unlucky

Adminisk8or

01/31/2024

You know the winter is starting to feel long and unbearable when you find yourself being talked to at work by your manager because... you are... unlucky...?

Although I'm kind of joking, that is seriously how my Wednesday last week went. I came into work, and my manager sat me down and talked with me about how things keep breaking... and they always seem to happen around me. That's almost verbatim how it started, ...and I was kind of at a loss of words. I always joked about how bad my luck is... who knew I was more right than I could know?

Besides that reality check moment last week, I had another. I was sent to one of our schools to find a network switch that was showing offline. The switch was labeled "Room 122 - Row 5". As such, I figured there was some little network rack or something in room 122. So, I arrived at the school, checked in, grabbed keys, and headed off to room 122... which doesn't exist. I may just as well have been looking for "Room 404", because there was literally NO room 122. I searched every classroom, closet and maintenance room on that first level (including a portable) and found nothing! Finally, I went upstairs to see if maybe it was in one of those rooms, and lo and behold, upon entering room 202 the mystery was solved. It was a computer lab with 5 "rows" of desks, and the instructor had just gotten rid of one of the rows. So that was a fun game of solve the mystery, where my only clue was a red herring.

And as for my personal time hobbies? Well, read back a couple of posts ago, in which I took a broken IP phone and had almost successfully turned it into an intercom doorbell... I've learned to come to hate the word "almost", at this point. The only issue I was experiencing was that I couldn't get the audio functionality to work quite right, and I wasn't sure if it was something I had soldered wrong or if it was something else. After spending probably about another 6 hours of my life trying to figure it out last night, I finally came to the realization that I had played all my cards, and it just wasn't going to work. And then reality caught up, as it sometimes dreadfully does, and it hit me just how much time I had poured into this little brave little IP phone doorbell that couldn't.

On the one hand, you could make the argument that I gained experience and maybe even learned a little in the process. I'd like to think I did... but I also cannot deny it was one of those moments I suddenly wished I could go back and tell my past self from a few weeks ago to not even bother trying what I did. Which leads to the word of the day: regret.

I'll try not to get to over-philosophical, but I've thought a lot about regret, lately- why is it a part of life? Why do we seem to carry some regrets for so long- and often times they're regrets of things that hardly made a difference? I admit, I feel like that's one of life's lessons that I'm still deep in the process of learning- for better or for worse- but I think, in at least a basic sense, I understand. I think, from at least one point of view, it is just naturally built into us- to teach us the importance of not repeating a bad thing. But in thinking deeper, I think it all hails back to the root of it all- happiness and despair. If we didn't understand the depths and reaches of certain regrets, we would have no appreciation for when we reach those special accomplishments.

Although I was thinking back on my blog post two weeks ago and cursing myself, while I was in the midst of my despair yesterday, looking at it now, I feel like I see it just a little better. I actually must confess, I hadn't ever followed the whole story, and upon reading more about the ending, perhaps good ol' Don and I can relate a little better than I had originally thought. Some errands and quests end sooner than we had originally hoped, and we find ourselves relenting and wondering why we ever bothered trying in the first place. "Why did I even bother trying..." ...those are words I've said far more often than I'd like to confess.

But whether I understand it well yet or not, I think it's clear enough that moping on regrets that have already come to pass, however much our brain feels it necessary, is just not going to be helpful or useful... and in fact, is probably more damaging than anything- and I should know, with how many I've had and certainly have yet to experience. I can't say I know the secret cure of knowing how to get out of that slump when you're in it, but if confession is the first step, then at least I'm on my way to understanding it, I suppose.

So yeah, it was more of a ramble than I intended, but I hope you can relate to some of these ideas about regret, accepting defeat, and carrying on after you've been vanquished. I feel like in these last few months alone, "vanquished" has been a theme. I look forward to the spring thawing away those pains. And until that comes, I hope you don't have too many of those pains, yourself.

Until next time, see ya!