Ever feel like you got stabbed in the mouth over and over?

This week is about the good, the bad and the ugly.

Let's start off with the good. I finished spending somewhere in the vicinity of 50-100 hours on editing a concert and it's finally a refined and proper listening experience! The hard, emotionally tiring process it was to complete that was something I hadn't anticipated. It wasn't the hardest thing I've ever done by any stretch, but it certainly didn't spare me on being a difficult task. But the feeling of accomplishment I have now after it's done is just wonderful.

You know what wasn't a wonderful feeling, though? Here, I'll give you a multiple choice guessing game:

A) Dental surgery

B) You already know it's A, I clearly don't have to list any others.

Yeah, after getting a root canal in January, I thought to myself, "well, there it is, the worst thing I'll probably have to go through in terms of dental work". And all I have to say to my poor, ignorant self two months ago is WRONG SIR! On the one hand, my last visit was a more interesting one than this one, since last time, during my root canal, they thought I was someone else until about halfway through the procedure. Yes, really. But this time, the worst thing that happened was the anesthetic started wearing off halfway through him cutting into my gums. That wasn't fun, but thankfully he caught onto my pain and re-numbed me up.

For sure, though, I can so far say pain hasn't been the highlight of this experience. The first and most memorable thing so far from this was the sensation I felt for the first 8 or so hours after the operation. Have you ever wondered to yourself, "Golly gee, I do wonder, what would it feel like to get stabbed in the roof of my mouth repeatedly but without the sensation of pain?" ...if so, I'm sorry, but you are one WEIRD person. Joking aside though, yes... all I could think for the longest time after it was over was "huh... why does my mouth feel so exceptionally violated?" It eventually faded to the sensation of having simply scalded the roof of my mouth, and about a week later, we've arrived at the sensation of only having scalded the back gums of my teeth. Probably because there's still stitches there.

The other unfun part has been having to NOT use my front left tooth to do ANYTHING. Ask me how fun it is constantly eating mashed potatoes and macaroni with one side of my mouth.

But oddly enough, this accounting is only the "bad" and not the "ugly" (well, that's objective, but I digress). I had another dream this last week, in the which I found myself speeding down the road. In this dream, I had apparently pushed my luck to hard- maybe with too many tickets in my past, or some other reason- but it was enough justification to put me behind bars. I was brought directly to jail, and slept well enough that night, but only because the reality of the situation hadn't yet kicked in. The next day, I found I was placed on this bed, under the constant watch of this sentinel guard, who viewed me though a camera and a TV screen right by it (it was an oddly redundant setup). I tried to play it nice, and noticed the TV was just a little crooked; but when I went to adjust it, the guard sharply reprimanded me and over the next few minutes, commanded me on how to carefully adjust it back to the way it was.

Aside from my relentless guard and the sharp reprimand, I suddenly had an even worse realization: my wife had no idea where I was or what had happened to me. And apparently, whatever my circumstances were, I guess there was not a high likeliness that was ever going to be communicated. After this experience and this long day, I slept terribly, thinking about my wife, and whether I would ever see her again, and if she would ever forgive me for such foolishness.

The next day (we're still in the dream) I experienced an emotion I don't think has ever seen its equal in real life. I was doing some gym exercises with other inmates under monitored conditions in a large room, and was still dreading the idea of this being my final fate, when my sentinel walked in and called for me. I approached obediently, and then he said the last thing I could have EVER imagined him saying: he asked, sincerely, if I wanted to go free, now.

Sometimes you have a moment- it might be less than a second, in which you experience a tidal wave of emotions. This was one of those: I felt confusion, hope, skepticism, and the indescribable feeling of someone who knew he was going to be a prisoner cut off from the world for the rest of his life, suddenly set free without price. And like that, I was shortly turned loose, and anxiously went looking to tell my wife what had happened to me.

I mention this dream, maybe because of a number of reasons. For one, it caused me to feel extreme polar opposites of despair beyond hope, and hopefulness beyond all description. I hope I never have to face a situation anything like this one in life, where I take away my own freedom that badly... though I and every one of us here on earth has ways of doing it subtly. But it's more than that. There's a lot of things I don't know in this world. I don't know the science and properties of chiropractic therapy. I don't fully grasp the concept of why a certain balance of electrons and protons in any given atom creates isotopes of elements, and how they interact with other elements. I don't know why Mondays are so often the armpit of every week, or why corrupt officials lead nations, or why good and selfless people die, while evil and wretched ones live on and destroy. These and many other things I don't fully understand or know; but one thing I have learned, is that darkness can never win in the end- not in the end. It can (and will) revel for a long time under the sun, declaring itself king and wreaking havoc with a sword like lightning.

But I need not say my favorite Samwise Gamgee quote, because I think most of you already know it. When all is said and done, at the end of the day of life, we are not just cast aside and left in the dark. Because there is one who descended below all comprehensible darkness, despair and pain, that is not our fate. I do believe in a Savoir who brought the worst of all things upon his own head, because he loves you, me and every one of us, and wants us to live forever in joy, and even to become like him, if we will.

I know that was a big preaching moment, but that's because this dream touched me in a very special way. I now understand, just a little better, the true nature of what every one of us really is on this earth: prisoners, who would otherwise be forever condemned to our foolish fates, but we are set free without price- all because he loved us.

I feel no shame in sharing these true thoughts that were on my mind this last week. I know not all see it my way, and that's fine, but I hope even those who disagree can at least appreciate that feeling- that moment when you thought you were sealed away in darkness forever, but a portal of light was opened, and you were beckoned through. It's hard to put down in words, but maybe some of you have even experienced it to some degree in this life.

And I hope everyone out there gets to experience it- at least the hopefulness part. I guess it must come by way of grief, pain and despair, but I hope those aspects don't hold you prisoner long. Happy early Easter! Until next time, see ya!

Ever feel like you got stabbed in the mouth over and over?

Adminisk8or

03/11/2024