And here we are, another Christmas day come and gone. And this year was different than others- mostly because of some timing.
My grandma passed away this last week, and her graveside service was held on the 22nd. It was one of the few funerals I've been a pallbearer for, and frankly, it was even more beautiful a scene than I imagined... which sound frankly perplexing, given the situation. I've said it before, but I see death and passing as, well, exactly that- a passing thing. With what I know, the only real sorrow that remains is the fact we are the ones left behind- for now. But, as I was saying- the scene was really beautiful, because as I, my brother, and 8 of my cousins carried her casket to the plot, my cousin (who is a choir teacher and has an amazing voice for singing) sang "Oh, Danny Boy", as was my grandma's wish. If you haven't heard the lyrics to the song, go look up The King's Singer's version, as I think it's one of the best out there. Looking at all the cold winter about, and considering the death on one side of the curtain, and yet joy and gladness on the other side, it was just perfect.
While the service itself was beautiful, it was perhaps even more beautiful for a different reason. Growing up, my grandma (and grandpa) always loved to host Sunday gatherings at their place. Sometimes only one or two families could come, and that was fun. And then, sometimes many of my cousins, great uncles, or other kindred would all come. My memories range all over the place; whether it was gathering together after dinner and singing Christmas songs, playing night games with my cousins in grandma's spacious yard, or just playing pool in the basement- those gatherings were occasions that brought so much family together. And it was awesome! As time will do, cousins moved away, life became busy- and even the house itself had to be abandoned, as it began slumping down a hill. So, the gatherings naturally dithered away, until the last one I remember being a few years ago, now. I did not see every cousin, uncle and aunt I had missed at that funeral, but there were a great many I did see. The occasion even allowed me to catch up to one cousin I was closer with, to the point we talked about having more future gatherings to keep the good tradition alive in some way.
And at the end of the day, isn't that the best part of a funeral? I know there are passings that cause exactly the opposite effect, and circumstances that cause unfortunate bitterness that follows for years. But I am a firm believer that a death should be cause for connections that have been somewhat forgotten to be rebuilt and bonded anew. I make that sound all fancy, but that can be however simple or deep it needs to be. For example, it's not like I had shunned my cousin and refused to talk- I just lost the habit of contact. And obviously, as our good old friend Mike Rutherford would say in one of his more popular songs, (though I paraphrase), you need not wait until death to catch up; depending on who you're catching up with, it might mean catching up too late.
But aside from that, this Christmas has been one in which funds were reduced all around in my family. And for that reason, I felt like this holiday was a little less diluted. I know it's a message that's been more hammered in than Stonehenge- but tangible gifts (or any gift) by itself, however kindly given, is surprisingly not very meaningful- that is, without the meaning behind it. Anyone can give a gift. What sets things apart is effort. You can buy the nicest house and staff it with the most serviceable housekeeping crew, and gift that to someone- and yet, does not the small, not-yet developed skills of a child, doing hist best to craft some sort of wooden sculpture for his grandma who doesn't really need it, but sees the love put into it, have more meaning? Sacrifices, (and often the small ones) are probably the best way to show love one to another. And in today's world, although I am hesitant to say it, as I fear putting myself in a hypocritical light, perhaps time now holds a more precious place than money.
And if you are anything like me, you know that Christmas doesn't begin, nor does it end in December. Just like Scrooge learned, let there be Christmas all year round! And as a new year is starting, do you want to let your love grow? Find small opportunities, or small sacrifices- pieces of your daily schedule you can afford to take and gift to someone who needs more love, too. Merry Christmas, and happy new year!