Have you ever wrestled with a problem for hours and hours, gave up and went with a different solution, only to unexpectedly be faced with the same problem three years later and nearly have to once again give up and go with a different solution, only to finally solve the problem a mere 30 minutes before the deadline arrives?
...yeah. That. Several years ago (how does that both seem like a millennia ago, and yet only a few months ago at the same time?), I was helping a local choir at a religious institute at my university by recording the concert they performed. I had done this a few times, implementing a few different methods of doing so. At my best attempts, (and I don't entirely remember how), I had managed to use a second large mixing board and route the individual mics through it and straight out to the main mixer untouched, allowing me to individually control the channels being recorded without interfering with the main house mixing. It was nice, but if I made a mistake in mixing, it's not like I could go in and adjust it on the recording- that was just it.
Among the methods I tried using to capture the recording, I also tried a more digital approach. Their house mixing board (a Behringer x32) had a USB interface on it that was supposed to allow a person to plug in and capture all 32 channels of audio individually and directly. Naturally, this was a much more desirable method of doing things- not only because it eliminated unnecessary connections that would technically impurify the audio, but because it eliminated the need to use that big old huge second mixing board, eliminate the tedious amount of cables, and best of all, would allow a person to record and mix the channels individually and to their liking. Sadly, though, at the time, my best efforts yielded no useful results.
Three years later, I hadn't really come back to help record, because it just wasn't something that was really being requested at that point. Then, I got a call out of the blue from the choir director. It was great catching up! Sure enough, he asked if I would come back and record their concert a week or two later, and I said yes. Frankly speaking, that last time I recorded for them was very likely the last time I did anything like that, so I was a little rusty when it came time for action... in fact, yesterday (Saturday) morning, when I showed up early in the morning before their dress rehearsal, I didn't even know they also had a performance that day. It's funny, I'm pretty sure I've had dreams and nightmares similar to that circumstance, and yet in real life, turns out it's not quite as stressful or troublesome as in a dream.
But, that's not to say it was without problems. Despite showing up hours before the dress rehearsal, I didn't have nearly the time I had hoped I would have. Just like I did three years ago, I tried getting that USB interface to work on that mixer, but found things went from not working right to not working at all. With time counting down, I decided to give up on the method and setup two lesser, albeit decent alternatives to record their concert. After mic checks and the rehearsal (and my attempt to set things up without interrupting the momentum of things), there was a lunch break. After grabbing a bite to eat, I hadn't commence to eat much, before I decided to try one more time to get the USB interface to work on that board. Like it was nothing, suddenly I got it working. It was as though I had fought a rival in a battle, been defeated, went into exile, and faced off again three years later, and after seemingly being done in, struck a fatal blow when least expected, and won the fight.
And did I mentioned I accomplished this like 30 minutes or less before the concert was due to begin? Indeed, it was one of the most thrilling accomplishments I've had! But I think, in recounting this story, that it would be a mistake to just take it for face value. Despite the ecstasy in that moment, do not forget that it took a younger version of myself trying for hours, failing, and walking away from it for a few years; and then my current self coming back, trying again, and failing again (multiple times in the same hour, mind you), and seemingly failing worse and worse with each attempt before I was met with the one time it did work. I've already posted a blog with this idea (I guess it will probably become a running theme here), but it took hundreds of ways to find out how not to make a light bulb work before the innovation to make it work was found and then more perfectly harnessed.
So, when you are faced with challenging decisions and burdensome tasks (not all burdens are physical, mind you) which seem to go on for days and months and even years, and it seems like all you are able to merit is failure, welcome to the club! I cannot tell you that the answer is just around the corner- for all you or I know, it may yet be years or even a lifetime out of your reach (heaven knows that was at least the case for DaVinci's flying machines); but don't let the fear of failure hold you back. All too many times I've let that happen to myself, and most often, all it has led to is even more regret and stress. Sometimes, as was the case with me, it took a few years away from the issue and coming back to deal with it again before I won the fight I had begun- that's why downtime and personal time are an important part of life!
I know I'm not a psychologist or anything of the sort, but if I were to leave a message to follow this week, it would be to not give up on the things that are important to you; don't let the fear of failure prevent you from getting up again; take it all in order, not running faster than is good for you; and when you finally get to see the fruit of your labors, relish in the moment, and be proud of the persistence you had to overcome each challenge that stood in your way. Remember, there's a difference between boasting in comparison to others and boasting in how much you've grown and learned in getting to where you are. The latter of these two is commonly underrated and a beautiful blessing from the hard work you put in.
Here's to you, whoever you are, reader of this passage. I may not know you by name, or at all- but I believe you are a special person who has tried so many times to fix the problem, and feels defeated. The next time you get up and fall down again, know this- you are a hero to me, because you had the courage to stand up and try one more time. Have a great day!