Some weeks in the life are more interesting than others, and sometimes that varies on in what way it's interesting. For example, perhaps it was just very eventful- or, rather, it's because I did one hugely important thing. This week wasn't either of those, necessarily, but I feel like I grew more spiritually this week. But first one of the more mundane stories!... eh, it's still technically somewhat spiritual.
So, at a fire station we do IT for, I was trying to troubleshoot this stamp machine. It was this old piece of hardware that used, and I kid you not, a phone line to dial in to buy stamps. And here, I thought phreaking wasn't ever going to be relevant to my modern job description! But there I was, having spent several hours, trying figure out if the problem was to be found in the wiring, in the VoIP gateway we were using, the device, anything! And out of the blue, the office assistant in the office next door was going through the mail that day, and mentioned to me, "Oh, I don't know if this is relevant to what you're doing, but we got this letter from the company..." which letter, effectively said that the machine I was troubleshooting would no longer be in service within a month's time.
And just like that, I found myself both relieved and upset all at once. My troubleshooting was over, but I had wasted hours on this! But, on thinking about it, in spite of the situation, I realized I had gained a better understanding about how faxes and other phone line-based equipment works int he modern age of technology. So, yes it was frustrating to find my efforts yielded no obvious results, but thankfully, it wasn't time wasted.
But the main thought I had this week was on balance. It's a theme I probably harp on more than I'd like to admit, but I do, because I feel like it's commonly lacking in people's minds. I have a painting in my office, (and I'm not sure what the title of it is), but it's a picturesque scene of a lush valley, some terraced falls and landscapes in the distance, and beyond that, tall, looming snow-capped mountains, with a bright white sky filling the rest. In the center of this valley there's a river or lake, and in it, there can be seen the image of what appears to be angelic-like figures pressing into the waters. The scene, for the most part looks to be very peaceful and relaxing; but if you look closer on what appears to be but a small portion of the shoreline is a dark and mysterious shadowy thing- and I still can't discern whether it's a place or if it's a group of...things. But it didn't strike me until this week, looking at it, that I was reminded of another ancient relic of light and darkness- Yin and Yang. In fact, honestly, looking at the painting now, I don't know how I never quite saw it.
But the painting, pretty as it is, is only something that helped wake my understanding, this week. It dawned on me that, for all my life, I've just tried to embrace the right and shun out all the bad things, and try to push it all away. In my mind's eye, a perfect world experience was going through life, having little problems and trials here and there, but mainly soaking up the sunlight, so as to make a figure of speech. But I've come to realize, that's a rather silly point of view. Just by closing our eyes to the bad and the sad around us, it doesn't just make those things go away; and try as we might, there are some evils that we can never really fully put out of mind. For example, if I were to ask you the scariest image you ever saw, odds are, unless it was truly so traumatic your brain erased the experience altogether, you have some burned-in image of things that make your heart start to race, or brings fear into your mind.
This is a normal part of living. We experience bad things; we sometimes feel overbearing sadness; we feel anger, fear, injustice. At the end of the day, though, the question is not whether we are good at trying to block it out and just ignore it- but rather, learning to coexist with it. There's a particular line of scripture I often love hearing, which refers to a passage in which a certain person was being laughed at and scorned to shame for doing good and embracing what's right, which says, "We heeded them not". For a long time, I took that to mean, ignore it all. And it's not like that's a bad philosophy to have; but it's limited, and can only last so long. Rather, if we take word heed, and define it as, to pay attention, or to hone in on, I think it's more appropriate.
By looking around me and acknowledging the darkness and evil in the world around me, I now feel more at peace inside. I see these things- I understand that they exist (for a time), and that light and joy also exist- and that the latter are eternal and without end. Now knowing that, when bad things happen, I have a better standing to take it on. Bad things have happened, bad things are still happening, and many more will continue to happen. But I don't have to heed them. It is my responsibility to handle them as necessary, and to do what I can to embrace the good. But I need not try and run away and panic when I fail at something, or when I fall short of what I had hoped to accomplish. I'll naturally forget this- probably often, but I'm glad that I found some inner peace this week, and that I have an idea of how to better achieve that inner peace.
I know my thoughts are fairly disjointed, but I hope something effective came across. What helps you find your inner peace? Until next week, see ya!